Monthly Archives: September 2008

The Best of News

posted by Mel

It looks like she’s OK– knock on wood.

The cardiologist couldn’t find anything wrong with her heart. She kept up a steady 138 bpm– MUCH better than last week. Blood flow looked good. We didn’t find any holes– unless they’re just too small to see or have already closed up. The cord had good blood flow, too. I asked what would have made her heartrate fall so low last week, and the only explanation the cardiologist could come up with was that perhaps the doc and u/s tech had been too rough with the transducer and somehow cut her blood flow. She said that sometimes that happens. WTF. Our doc is pretty rough w/ that doppler, but I wouldn’t have thought it could have such a drastic effect. She still didn’t sound right hours later when we got home from the appointment. At least she has sounded good ever since. Next week we go back to our OB’s for an extensive ultrasound, and we’ll get a good look at the rest of her, including her kidneys.

I am breathing a huge sigh of relief. What a rollercoaster. She is really beautiful, though. She looked like she’d gained a lot of flesh in the last 3 weeks, and she was moving all over the place. Once she flipped completely upside down. Sweet Simone, I can’t wait to be your mommy on the outside. Please stay put and do not stress yourself out.



Filed under Preggo

Thank you

posted by Mel

A quick note to say that I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support from this amazing online community, as well as the expressions of love and support we’re getting from our RL friends and family. I’ve been talking to Simone a lot and telling her about all the people who are wishing her health and strength. Several times in the last couple of days I’ve come across her name on one of your blogs, and it makes me cry every time. I can’t articulate it as well as I’d like, but it means a lot to me that she is real enough (even to people other than us) for you guys to use her name.

We’ve been listening for her heart beat several times/day, and today I even took the doppler to work. She’s still there, and though her heartbeat does falter sometimes it’s never as low or slow as it was in the doctor’s office on Wednesday.


Filed under Young'n

The Other Shoe

posted by Mel

We had an OB appointment yesterday, and the doctor had trouble finding Simone’s heartbeat. So she sent us down for an ultrasound. Good news: Simone is alive. Bad news: We watched her heartrate drop from 121 to 78 to 66 within a matter of a minute. At 121 I looked at the u/s tech and said, “That’s awfully low, isn’t it?” She looked a little panicky, but she said, “Yes, that’s low, but they do that and then bounce up. Let’s watch it.” Second later she was on her feet saying something like, “I’m just going to step out and get the fetal/maternal medicine specialist around the corner.” Shit.

They were gone a long time. I gripped Vanessa’s hand and tried not to cry. We heard scuffling in the hallway. They were out there talking about us in low excited tones. Finally the u/s tech returned with our OB b/c she had not been able to find the perinatologist. It’s not coming coherently. Just need to get out the facts here.

The upshot of the whole thing is that Simone has an arrhythmia. From the Google research conducted in our home last night, we have surmised that this is called fetal bradycardia. We had an appointment in two weeks at Riley Children’s Hospital for a fetal echocardiogram anyway because of the two-vessel umbilical cord, but that has now been moved up to next Tuesday. We are to continue using the doppler every night and call the OB if we can’t find the HB. So far we’ve been able to find it. I think Vanessa has the magic touch– have always thought so, since she is always able to find it almost immediately. I never can. We’re not measuring the BPM (didn’t rent a fancy enough doppler apparently), but it is much faster and more consistent at home. So maybe it’s stress-related? They took blood from me to test for a couple of autoimmune disorders that might be responsible. They briefly considered keeping me overnight for observation, but they decided against since there is really nothing they can do but watch and wait– at least until she’s viable, which will be a minimum of 4 more weeks. From now on we’ll have OB appointments at a minimum of every two weeks and ultrasounds probably just as often. We’re told that we can choose to move our OB care to the perinatologist at any time. We really like our OB and she works closely with the perinatologist, so the jury’s still out on that one.

In the space of a two hour appointment (they’re usually 30 min), we went from worrying about daycare to worrying about whether Simone’s going to make it long enough to deliver safely and whether or not she’ll require a pacemaker at birth. We hope we’ll know more after speaking to the fetal cardiologist on Tuesday.


Filed under Preggo, The way the world works


posted by Mel

As a daycare business I will not discriminate because of your choice of lifestyle.  I do not have a problem caring and loving your child and being friends with you.  However, even though I’m a Methodist and we accept everyone I do not agree with your lifestyle but that is my personal opinion and would not reflect on our friendship.  We all make choices and do things that others don’t agree on and it shouldn’t reflect on loving the person for who they are.

From a real e-mail I received this morning from a in-her-own-home daycare provider. I’m feeling chafed, and I’m unsure how to respond. I’m sure this woman feels that she has been very reasonable with me, and I don’t want to fly off the handle.

Still. So many complex issues to work through here. 1.) Choice. My immediate response to the choice thing is always: IF my lesbianism is a choice, it is a legitimate one. 2.) Lifestyle– I don’t view my romantic relationship as a lifestyle. It’s a partnership, a union of souls; some might even call it a marriage. When I think about my lifestyle, it’s usually a lot more about what I do with the roughly 16 hours/day I spend upright rather than the 8 I spend horizontal. I’m an urban dweller who tries to avoid waste, strives for balance and simplicity, and prefers a walk in the park, a glass of wine in an intimate restaurant, and a good book on the couch to a night dancing to loud music. That’s what I think when someone says “lifestyle.” 3.) Friend– is it possible to be friends with someone who disapproves of my “lifestyle” when the only thing she’s basing her disapproval on is that I’m a member of a two-mom household? 4.) Accept– What does this word mean in the context of this paragraph? My ex-Lutheran ears hear the same old fool’s bargain that most churches have been shilling for the past few decades. Come on in. Everything will be fine as long as you are properly ashamed of yourself and know that the rest of us are morally superior to you.

You know what our OB said when she met Vanessa and me for the first time? “Lucky baby.” Why can’t it always be like that?


Filed under The way the world works, Young'n

LBGT-friendly daycares in Indy?

Posted by Melody

Anyone know an alternative families-friendly daycare provider in Indianapolis? Would prefer Center Township, SE side of Marion County, or on something on the East leg of 465.

I’ve been researching in-home but haven’t had a lot of positive experiences so far. We did visit one of those designer daycares that are really just a franchise following a corporate formula (BLEH). It did not fit our needs. We’d like someone who is open to cloth diapers, but it’s not a deal breaker. We’d also like someone who doesn’t have a problem with breastmilk and homemade baby food. The breastmilk doesn’t seem to be a problem, but the homemade baby food was a showstopper at the designer daycare.

I am so jealous of Raz-ma-taz, who found a Unitarian Universalist daycare program. No such luck in our community. We would drive out of the way for that. It sounds perfect.


Filed under Uncategorized

We are having a…

posted by Mel

I'm a girl!

Yep, I'm a girl!

It was really easy to get this shot, but she kept her legs and her arms up over her head a lot, so we had a much more difficult time getting a face shot. I offered to get up and jump around, but the u/s tech preferred to just beat on my uterus with the ultrasound tool. Turns out that neither the baby nor I enjoyed that much, which is how we finally got a look at this:
Knock it off! I'm trying to sleep!

Knock it off! I'm trying to sleep!

Safe to say she was a little pissed off about all the banging around up top.
Everything looks like it’s in pretty good order. 4-chamber heart. The u/s tech said the head and neck looked good, and we think she thought the kidneys looked good, but we’re a little wary that she was telling us everything there was to know. At one point she typed out 2 ves cord and, on prying, she told us that means that the cord has two vessels instead of the normal three: one artery and one vein instead of two arteries and one vein. She said this was normal and might just require more monitoring. Hmm. No doc appointment for another 2 weeks, so on reaching home Vanessa consulted Dr. Google and we find ourselves in the small percentages once again. This happens in 1 in 100 live births. 2/3 of babies with a two vessel cord are born with no problems. 1/3 have problems that can include everything from heart and gastrointestinal tract abnormalities to intrauterine growth retardation. There’s also a 20% stillbirth rate. Lovely.

The good news is that the scan looked pretty good and u/s picks up a lot of the potential problems. So a good scan is very heartening. Sigh– it would be really nice if something could be easy for once. Vanessa and I are trading roles. For now I am mostly calm, and she is going into panic mode.

In any case, we are going to be girl mommies!! I cannot wait to meet our little Simone.


Filed under Preggo

18 weeks?!

posted by Mel

I cannot believe we’ve made it this far. And we know the baby is still alive because we heard its heartbeat last night on the doppler. I need to post some new belly pics. We got out of the habit of taking them weekly. I know we took one at 16 weeks, and I’ll want to take one this week to go with our new u/s pics. I can tell something’s going on in there. Vanessa can tell: evidenced by the “OMG– you are HUGE!” that I hear every night when I get into bed.

Even though most of my pre-pregnant wardrobe doesn’t fit anymore, no one else seems able to tell. That’s frustrating. It looks like I’m just gaining my weight back. (If you’ve ever lost a lot of weight, you might have noticed that people seem to LOVE it when someone loses a significant amount of weight and then puts it back on.) I’m thinking that will remedy itself soon, though.

One more day before the anatomy scan. It feels like Christmas Eve!

BTW– what is that thing in our ticker? I cannot identify anything fetal about it. Are they showing what the baby’s guts look like?


Filed under Preggo