When does this get fun?

We made it through another scan. First, the good, which I know is what I should be concentrating on– there is a still a good strong heartbeat.

The doctor put the gestational age at just shy of 7 weeks when we were in the u/s room, but then he marked 6++ on my chart. Of course I freaked out and asked for clarification after he had already left the room. So he had to come back in and talk me back off the ledge. I’m glad he’s patient.

They couldn’t measure heartbeat in any precise way with the equipment on hand, but he counted and it looked like it was about 120 bpm, which seems within normal range. The fetus is measuring 4.4 mm and, if we are to go by last week’s measurements, we should be at 6 weeks, 6 days now. So it seems like it’s a couple of days behind again– and it was already a couple of days behind.  Also, he eyeballed the embryonic sack and called it a little on the small side. But again, no exact measurements. So of course I am googling what a small embryonic sack could mean and finding everything from ‘doesn’t matter at all as long as the embryo is measuring fine’ to 80% CHANCE OF MISCARRIAGE. That last thing didn’t come from a reputable source, though– came from a manic infertile on a message board that I usually disregard because is full of blinkies.

So I’m not relaxed yet. I don’t know when I will relax. Another awful 11 weeks+ miscarriage in the blogosphere today. How do you relax when this kind of thing happens on a regular basis?

Another u/s at the end of next week. I think my doctor ordered it out of pity for Vanessa, since I am clearly a head case. Unfortunately, Vanessa’s going to be out of town, so I’m trying to decide if I’m comfortable having a friend in the room for what, at this point, is still a pretty intimate event in terms of the imaging machinery involved, or if I’m going to go it alone.

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16 Comments

Filed under always a manic infertile, Once a manic infertile, Preggo

16 responses to “When does this get fun?

  1. Katy

    If you need a friend, I could a) do the probing for you to live out my life long dream of being the cooter doctor, b) observe and use hand signals to indicate if the doctor is doing it right, or c) just be there and hold your hand.

    Keep taking it one day at a time. Patience, a healthy diet, rest, and calm energy are your best tools.

  2. jay

    Jeesh, how nerve wracking. You did say you should concentrate on the strong heartbeat good news. I agree with you there. Totally got everything crossed for you guys. xxxx

  3. vee

    Oh hon, I wish you didn’t have this stuff to worry about. But then I’m not sure that it’s possible to have a worry-free pregnancy after having spent so long in the IVP trenches. Your baby has a good, strong heartbeat. Hold on to that. I hope next weeks scan brings some reassurance with it.

  4. I’m so sorry it is so nerve wracking and scary.

  5. Co

    We are all pulling for you and wishing for the best. I don’t think we really relaxed ’til the second tri, though, just to warn you….

  6. Io

    I know it’s scary, you poor headcase. It sounds like the heartbeat is good though! Hang in there.

  7. I have not commented here before but I have been reading your blog for a long time. I am so happy to hear you are in the process of making that baby! The mental anguish, a bonus of TTC, is awful. I feel for you both. I just wanted to let you know that infrequent commenters are also out here cheering for you!
    BTW I usually pick up your blog feed on G**gle Reader; however it is only the first few sentences of the post. If you could set your W*ordpress feed to “full” or 100% I could read it all via Reader. I bet there are other non-commenters that would love that too.
    Best of luck! We are sending you nothing but + energy. Daisy

  8. The picnic sounds fun. Count me in. Just email me the details when it’s time. I can do any day because I’m out of school after next week (I’m a teacher). 😉

  9. amy

    it’s so, so stressful; with my pregnancy i’m not sure i ever totally relaxed, though i did feel “better” once we got out of the first trimester. with my wife’s pregnancy currently, our first scan is tuesday, she’ll be 6 weeks, 5 days. i’m totally stressed anticipating it and suspect i will remain that way until we’re through the 1st trimester and probaby beyond. ttc is totally stressful and i hope to never be back on that journey, but pregnancy is also very stressful, despite the thought that with a positive brings relief. actually, i guess there is relief for a second, and then back to the all too familiar stress train! we’re rooting for you!!

  10. missanthropy

    I know this is easier said than done, but try not to stress out too much. What terrible advice I give! 🙂

  11. I’d feel the same way. I think you only really relax after delivery when everything’s ok, right? Hang in there!

  12. docgrumbles

    I definitely is not fun.

    Stay away from message boards!

    It is so frustrating – there are those that have healthy babies despite bleeding and bad signs… and those who expected losses with no warning signs whatsoever.

    There are no guarantees, but I really want yours to be one those “It didn’t really matter” stories.

    HB is good. Remember that.

  13. What Katy H said. And if you need support and a drive over, you know I’ll be there. I have administered a shot afterall 🙂

  14. Co

    That comment that says “Co” above was actually “Lo” using my computer.

    My best friend bled/spotted during her first tri. The consensus was… it could mean a miscarriage/it could mean nothing. (In her case, it meant nothing, thank goodness.) I think the same goes with the embryonic sac being a little on the small side or measuring a little behind. I hope in your case it just means nothing, too.

    Then again, women for whom everything looks perfect sometimes miscarry. So for those of us who know the score and worked hard to get pg, the worry is likely just there. And it makes me want to smack the women who get a positive HPT and run out and buy baby clothes and maternity outfits and assume everything will go fine and it does. I don’t wish anything bad on them, but I wish some worry on them. I envy their ignorant bliss.

    It sucks, but there is just no way to know (and I know you know that). And that is so frustrating, especially when you’ve been through as much as you have to get there. For us, I breathed a sigh of small relief after my Nuchal at 11 or 12 weeks. I breathed another sigh of a little more relief once I officially hit the second tri (14 wks?). I was not totally relieved until I hit term at 37 weeks, when the baby was really likely to be fine if I went into labor at any moment. But I’m a worrier. It got more fun for me when I could feel Flipper move. I liked having daily reassurance that he was in there and alive, without having to wait for an u/s or a Doppler to confirm his heartbeat. That wasn’t for a long while, though.

    I am glad your doc is giving you an u/s on Friday. I will keep you and your family (including the little Indy embryo) in my thoughts and prayers.

  15. I’m late to the game and so sorry. But I have to first let out a huge CONGRATULATIONS!!

    I’m so happy for you and V. I hope everything goes well and the next few weeks pass quickly. I’m keeping you both in my thoughts and will cross everything I’ve got.

    So much love to your family.

    xo

  16. i’m just catching up with you, girl. This is beyond thrilling! What a trip how it happened…

    SO EXCITED FOR YOU. It doesn’t get fun for a while. Or it didn’t for us. But it will. Oh, it will. 🙂

    Keep us updated, plz.

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