The Line is Gone

posted by Mel

You’d really have to squint to see anything there. We were pregnant for 4 days. Now we’re not. I think it’s a chemical pregnancy or an early miscarriage, depending on who you ask. I am shattered, but Vanessa is helping me slowly begin to pick the pieces back up.

Most couples would never even have known about this pregnancy. We did. Try as we might to be sensible and cautious about it, we were already building dreams on it. We’d never seen a second line before. We looked at baby furniture and tried on the name “parents.” It seems ridiculous to say more. It aches.

We’ve been here before, but it always looks a little different. Neither of us is up for IVF again– at least not right now, but I’m sick of waiting and need to get started right away doing something. We still have options. They’re still good options. I’ve signed us up for an adoption seminar early next month. Vanessa is expressing a willingness to carry. We’re going to discuss this with our RE as soon as we can get in to see him. I still have to go in for the blasted beta on Tuesday. Going through the motions with the estrace and prenatals and bloody PIO shots until then.

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16 Comments

Filed under Gettin' Knocked Up

16 responses to “The Line is Gone

  1. ((((hugs)))) I wish I could say something to ease your pain.

  2. vee

    Fuck. That’s not right.

  3. jay

    Not right at all. There is no rightness about it. We’re so gutted for you. HUGGGGGSSSSSS. xx

  4. j

    Damn. I know that hope. That few days of hope is such a mindfuck, and I’m so so sorry.

  5. Crap!

    While at out town and away from internet access, I kept wondering if I was missing good news. And I did. I wish the news would’ve stayed good.

    Fuck double lines that don’t lead to a real live baby. Fuck losses.

    I am so sorry.

  6. There are no words. My heart ached so badly for you guys this morning when we talked. None of this is right. Bella, Jo and I are sending hugs from 4 houses down….

  7. Mel

    I’m so sorry–sending a figurative hug.

  8. DG

    I’m so sorry. To have something amost within your grasp and then have it snatched away must be the worst thing.

    xxx

  9. Lo

    Oh, no. No no no.
    I am so so so so sorry.

  10. Co

    Oh, I am so sorry. I ache for you both so much.

    It wasn’t ridiculous to put on your hopeful parent hats and think about baby furniture. Not at all.

    I’m glad you’re going to an adoption seminar and talking to the R.E. about Vanessa maybe trying. It’s good to have some future options on the horizon, even as you deal with this loss.

    I am so sorry. The universe is so messed up.

  11. Fuck. I’m so so sorry love. You’re in my thoughts.

  12. Fuck is right. This stinks. I’m so so sorry.

  13. Oh, no. I’m so terribly, deeply sorry. You are brave to be thinking and talking about your options. Sending love.

  14. Feeling upset at the world for you.

  15. I’m so sorry, this is just cruel.
    Wish there was something more helpful I could say, but there’s not. Just sorry.

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