Monthly Archives: March 2008

Confirmed

posted by Mel

Chemical pregnancy. The beta this morning was just barely positive– not high enough to sustain. 5.7 at 14dp5dt. I knew it was coming, but does it ever suck to be right. Follow-up appointment with our RE next Friday.

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The Line is Gone

posted by Mel

You’d really have to squint to see anything there. We were pregnant for 4 days. Now we’re not. I think it’s a chemical pregnancy or an early miscarriage, depending on who you ask. I am shattered, but Vanessa is helping me slowly begin to pick the pieces back up.

Most couples would never even have known about this pregnancy. We did. Try as we might to be sensible and cautious about it, we were already building dreams on it. We’d never seen a second line before. We looked at baby furniture and tried on the name “parents.” It seems ridiculous to say more. It aches.

We’ve been here before, but it always looks a little different. Neither of us is up for IVF again– at least not right now, but I’m sick of waiting and need to get started right away doing something. We still have options. They’re still good options. I’ve signed us up for an adoption seminar early next month. Vanessa is expressing a willingness to carry. We’re going to discuss this with our RE as soon as we can get in to see him. I still have to go in for the blasted beta on Tuesday. Going through the motions with the estrace and prenatals and bloody PIO shots until then.

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Making Progress

Posted by v

We’ve passed the first milestone of getting a positive at-home pregnancy test. Correction:  a dozen at-home pregnancy tests, because the first six might be a fluke.

Stay tuned: Blood test on Monday.

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Filed under On the Baby-Making Train, Young'n

We did it

posted by Mel

I have two little Vanessa embryos on-board– one early blastocyst and one morula. The embryologist said they were both still too compacted to grade, but both good quality and appropriate for this stage of development. She said she felt we had an excellent chance of success. It was actually kind of fun. The RE was running behind as usual, so I had time to empty my bladder and refill it. I stayed very zen about the whole thing, a first for me. I spent some time just breathing and meditating both before and after. Acupuncture this morning helped. The nurse actually gasped at how low my blood pressure was– a good thing. The best thing for these little ones right now is my uterus remaining a tranquil place. Afterwards I couldn’t hold back a little sob of gratitude. If this works, I will get to carry my partner’s child. It’s the greatest blessing I can imagine.

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More info

posted by Mel 

They haven’t looked at the embryos again today, but I was able to get more information on what they were going by yesterday. So here’s the tally. Where grade 4 is the best and grade 1 is the worst, we have:

1 6-cell grade 3

1 5-cell grade 3

1 5-cell grade 2

2 4-cell grade 3

2 2-cell– not sure what grade those are, but the RE’s nurse acted like those probably wouldn’t continue to grow. I’m assuming they were 1s.

So we have 5 possible candidates for transfer tomorrow. I wish the quality was a little better, but I’ve also heard of many IVF pregnancies from lower than grade 4 embryos. The quality of the embryo has no bearing on the health of a resulting child. I’m remaining hopeful. It does make me nervous that we probably won’t have anything to freeze, since our clinic only freezes very high quality embryos.

We’ll have our transfer at 1 PM tomorrow.

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Lucky 7

posted by Mel

7 of the embryos cleaved and are still in it. I didn’t get a lot of detail because the embryologist called us before I could call her, and when I tried to call back I couldn’t get her, but she left a voice mail on my cell. They range from 2 to 6 cells right now. Remember that some of them are a day behind because of some of the eggs having to be matured in vitro. We are ecstatic. I can’t wait to see them on Tuesday!

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Waiting

The waiting is unbearable. We were supposed to hear something about the remaining 5 eggs today: whether they fertilized or not. Like good patients, we waited until 4 PM to call our RE’s office– just like our release paperwork said to do if we hadn’t heard from them by then. I just called the nurse on call. Apparently the lab didn’t send her a report on us today. She couldn’t tell me if this meant that we didn’t get any more embryos or if they just forgot about us. They don’t do reports on Sunday, but since I made friends with the embryologist on Thursday, I’m actually going to call her tomorrow. I wish I had called her earlier. I just didn’t want to abuse the privilege of the phone number she secreted to me. STUPID!

During the wait between the first and second embryo reports on my IVF cycle last year, Vanessa and I took walks in the park while we fantasized about the surely impending pregnancy. We strategized how long we would keep the excess embryos frozen and what we wanted to do with them when we were done having kids. We talked about my maternity leave. We never imagined the disappointment that lay just one short day away.

As the hours grow longer, hope dwindles. If I close my eyes, it’s a hot July day and I’m looking at my vegetable garden when that terrible phone call comes through. Nurse Lunch Lady asks me to call Vanessa outside and have a seat. I clutch the arms of a lawn chair as she explains to me that all of our embryos have arrested and that there will be nothing to transfer, that all of it has been for nothing.

IVF is such a mind fuck. Yesterday morning I was overflowing with joy at the thought of 4 healthy embryos and 5 possible others. This afternoon, they are all crumbling to dust in my head. Vanessa’s suddenly doing worse. We don’t think she has OHSS, but she has a lot of free fluid in her body. She’s all bloated and has sore shoulders and sharp abdominal pain. She’s in pain, and it might all be for nothing again.

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