The Day After

posted by Mel

First, I need to say that we really appreciate the thoughts and prayers of everyone who has commented, e-mailed, or called. We have a wonderful support network, which we know we will need very much in the months to come. Thank you all.

Today was rough, but we are muddling through it. We have to. Vanessa and I began the day at 4:15 (I couldn’t sleep– thoughts racing, heart racing– and then she couldn’t sleep) by driving all over Greenwood to find that there are NO all night restaurants there. We pulled into Cracker Barrel in Southport at 5:30 and talked and cried in the parking lot until they opened at 6. After breakfast we went back and began clearing out Peggy’s bedroom. It was early to do this, but it felt good to get started because it’s easy to be overwhelmed by the volume of work there is to be done. Found many things that broke our hearts– mine is breaking mostly because Vanessa’s is, and it’s hard to see her hurting so much. Made a trip to Goodwill to drop off the first load.

Left Eric at his mom’s, and Ness and I went home. She turned around immediately and went to her grandmother’s (paternal), while I got violent with the junk mail it seems like we’re always drowning in and cleared some things out. Gotta make room for the boy that’s coming to live with us now, and that means getting the house in order. Eric met us at our house around 11:30, and we began our all afternoon marathon– to the florist (not too terrible), the funeral home (infuriating), and the cemetary (excrutiating). It’s nearly 8 PM now, and we just got home. Eric went back to his mom’s. One thing at a time. He’s not ready to let that place go just yet, and I don’t blame him, but I worry about him being alone with his thoughts right now. I worry about him worrying.

 If you made it this far, you really deserve some funeral info, but I’ll post it separately for those who didn’t have your stamina. Someday maybe one of us will post about the experience of making these arrangements, which was more painful than it had to be. Death is such a racket.



Filed under Cancer Sucks, The way the world works

3 responses to “The Day After

  1. Becky

    Ness & Mel;
    First off, I need to apologize for not coming back over Thursday night.. I had alot of things happening at the house. And I want you to know that I am glad that I could be there for you (Ness) & Eric. Even though that was the hardest thing I will probably ever go thru, hopefully, in my life.. And, I also wanted you to know that last year (06), I too had to deal with the death of someone close to me that wasn’t actually family…
    Barrys dad past last Sept, and afterwards it was myself, Barrys brother (Sean), Barry’s Aunt (Nancy), and Barry’s Uncle (Ronnie), that went to the mortuary to make the arrangements.. And now, because his brother didn’t pay his part, they are sueing his Aunt & Uncle.. But, I hope U know that if U need anyone totalk to and U can’t find absolutely noone around, I will always be here!!

  2. I am just reading your news. My heart goes out to you two and Eric. And I wish you so much strength. I’m so sorry.

    I can’t imagine what it must be like to care for a sick parent. It must transform you.

    Take care of yourselves and eachother as you travel through these next few days and weeks. You have many people thinking of you out here.

  3. Funeral arrangements are a total f-ing racket. It’s necessary, and I’m sure it’s not meant to be this way but they prey in many ways on people that are grieving and just want closure. And then there is always “well you know you should get the very best for Aunt Gertie, or Grandpa Bob” sales pitch. The best meaning thosands of dollars. Anyway, you guys are so strong, and so lucky to have each other as you progress though all of this. I’m here for whatever you need.

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