posted by Melody
We went to the RE yesterday for Vanessa’s first official appointment. It was really more of a consultation about how to manage a donor egg cycle. Technically Vanessa is donating her eggs even though this is most definitely destined to be her child as well as mine. She has to get a cycle day 3 FSH test done. This is in peril because she’s going to be traveling on what will likely be her CD3, but if it doesn’t work out this month, it will work out some time between now and October when I start my drugs for a December retrieval and transfer. Because it will be more than a year from the time I got all my STD testing done (including the infamous and mandatory, according to IN state law for those donating or receiving donor gametes, gonorrhea and chlamydia swab) we’ll both have to be vampirized and swabbed within the next month.
Some time in October I will start Lupron to put me back into menopause while we wait for her next cycle to begin so that we can be sure to cycle together. I will probably be on Lupron for a month or more, but it’s good to be able to make some small sacrifice of comfort in solidarity with what she’ll be doing. Plus if you have to subject yourself to hot flashes, it’s better to do it in sweater weather than the middle of July.
Doing this together makes me feel very close to Vanessa. It also makes me feel a little desperate and out of control. Nurse Lunch Lady cut me just a little when she proclaimed “We don’t have to put you on anything but Lupron this time. Nobody cares if YOU ovulate.” I think she meant that to be comforting, but it sounded more like, “Out of the way so we can get some healthy ovaries in here to do this job right.”
Vanessa’s very matter of fact about the whole thing. She doesn’t seem to need to analyze this to death. She’s seen IVF up close. She knows what to expect. At least right now she’s all about getting this done. No need to talk about it.
Me, I’ve got questions that all seem pretty unanswerable. What the hell is wrong with me? What caused my eggs to go rotten when I’m only 30 years old? Is it something I did? Does it have something to do with the weight I carried around through my early 20s? The rapid pace at which I lost it (no, not gastric bypass for those just joining us)? It doesn’t seem like infertility runs in the family. Who/what do I blame? Vanessa says blame plastic. Blame pesticides. If that’s the case, why me and not most other people? What’s to keep the same thing from happening with Vanessa’s eggs?