Vanessa’s turn

posted by Melody

We went to the RE yesterday for Vanessa’s first official appointment. It was really more of a consultation about how to manage a donor egg cycle. Technically Vanessa is donating her eggs even though this is most definitely destined to be her child as well as mine. She has to get a cycle day 3 FSH test done. This is in peril because she’s going to be traveling on what will likely be her CD3, but if it doesn’t work out this month, it will work out some time between now and October when I start my drugs for a December retrieval and transfer. Because it will be more than a year from the time I got all my STD testing done (including the infamous and mandatory, according to IN state law for those donating or receiving donor gametes, gonorrhea and chlamydia swab) we’ll both have to be vampirized and swabbed within the next month.

Some time in October I will start Lupron to put me back into menopause while we wait for her next cycle to begin so that we can be sure to cycle together. I will probably be on Lupron for a month or more, but it’s good to be able to make some small sacrifice of comfort in solidarity with what she’ll be doing. Plus if you have to subject yourself to hot flashes, it’s better to do it in sweater weather than the middle of July.

Doing this together makes me feel very close to Vanessa. It also makes me feel a little desperate and out of control. Nurse Lunch Lady cut me just a little when she proclaimed “We don’t have to put you on anything but Lupron this time. Nobody cares if YOU ovulate.” I think she meant that to be comforting, but it sounded more like, “Out of the way so we can get some healthy ovaries in here to do this job right.”

Vanessa’s very matter of fact about the whole thing. She doesn’t seem to need to analyze this to death. She’s seen IVF up close. She knows what to expect. At least right now she’s all about getting this done. No need to talk about it.

Me, I’ve got questions that all seem pretty unanswerable. What the hell is wrong with me? What caused my eggs to go rotten when I’m only 30 years old? Is it something I did? Does it have something to do with the weight I carried around through my early 20s? The rapid pace at which I lost it (no, not gastric bypass for those just joining us)? It doesn’t seem like infertility runs in the family. Who/what do I blame? Vanessa says blame plastic. Blame pesticides. If that’s the case, why me and not most other people? What’s to keep the same thing from happening with Vanessa’s eggs?

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6 Comments

Filed under Gettin' Knocked Up

6 responses to “Vanessa’s turn

  1. I don’t know. If there’s anything I’ve learned in the past year of small business ownership (and 30 years of life) is that there’s rarely a direct cause/effect relationship when things don’t work out the way you think they will. Still. I understand your frustration. If there’s a WHY behind everything, it’s so much easier to understand.

  2. byrdlady

    i sure wish there were easy answers to these questions. It’s good that you guys are getting some answers, and i hope that everything works out with this new plan.

  3. Co

    Nurse Lunch Lady’s comment sucked.

    I wish there were some answers for you about your eggs. It sucks that there isn’t.

    Take care.

  4. vee

    Hhm – seems WordPress swallowed my comment the other day. Nurse Nasty should learn to engage her brain before opening her mouth. Don’t make excuses for her – in that line of work she should know better.

    I’m sorry that you are face with such challenging and unanswerable questions. All you can do is try not to torture yourself with them – it is what it is and however your family eventually comes about, it will not be the “how” that you look back on, because you won’t be able to imagine a different family than the one you end up with.

    I’m so excited for you that you’ve managed to get this plan into action so quickly!

  5. All good questions. So interesting that you have the same questions we have been asking for the last year. E is 31. She started trying at 29. No infertility in her family (in fact her mom + sisters are uber-fertile).

    She also was heavy in her teens and early 20s, lost all that weight over a couple of years. But she’s so young. What the hell happened with her eggs?

    What a fat fucking lesson it was for us that Things Do Not Work Out As Planned When You Most Expect Them To.

    I’m so glad you two are feeling so close. Its quite the experience to go through an IVF cycle together.

  6. nycphoenix

    When your RE is perplexed you know its bad. I don’t know why it happened. RE checked for everything genetic and nothing popped up. It might be hereditary because mom and Sis are not uber fertile each taking a long time to get one pregnancy. Either way I’m a 34 year old woman with 44 year old ovaries and it sucks. Having a why doesn’t take away the pain because before IVF I was “unexplained” and then to hear Diminished Ovarian Reserve didn’t make things any better.

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