posted by Melody
Grandpa passed away on Sunday morning. I did not get back in time to see him again, but I still feel good about the way I left things with him. I saw him on the last day he spoke. I told him about our upcoming trip, and he was able to speak enough to tell me a story. I helped him eat, told him I loved him, and held his hand. I am already forgetting how bad the last month was and how frail he has been getting over the last couple of years, and I’m remembering more bits and pieces of time I spent with him and my grandmother as a child. My grandmother died in 1990, but that suddenly feels like last year. Losing him seems to mean losing her all over again.
It’s good, though. Vanessa has been wonderful– she pulled memories out of me all weekend and all during our long drive home from Michigan. My uncle is putting together a photo/video montage for before the funeral, and I’m looking forward to Vanessa seeing pictures of them when they were younger and to looking at those photos again myself and working back to a place where I remember him as healthy and active.
In fertility news, we’re on day 6 of Lupron, and the effects have been much milder than I expected. My sleep hasn’t been so great, but I’m not sure I can attribute all of that to the drug. The hot flashes are unpleasant but not nearly as bad as I thought they would be. Until today I barely noticed I was having them. Vanessa says I’ve been radiating heat for a couple of days now. Today they seem to have increased in intensity, but they subside quickly. Also, I’ve given myself 4 out of 6 shots– today’s was completely without supervision! I really wanted to take charge of some of the injections this time because there are so many of them and for so long. I don’t want IVF to control my comings and goings, and that means I have to get used to the idea that Vanessa might not always be available to administer the shots.
Baseline ultrasound and E2 blood test this Saturday. If things look good, we will start the stims that evening.