Tested this morning. Not pregnant. I changed my mind– I don’t think I’m getting stuck this month just to confirm what I already know. I’ll take one more pg test tomorrow morning, and if it says what it said this morning then screw it. I’m off the hoo-ha bullets until July. I’ve already started obsessing about the IVF. I have a new job that involves more travel (yay me! btw– new job is a good thing), and I’m trying to screw up the courage to do my own injections, since I probably won’t have Vanessa there to shoot me up.
I thought I was OK with IVF, but this morning I’m really resentful. I’m mad that I have to go through another month or more of hormone treatments, mad that I have to get my ovaries aspirated with a huge f’ing needle, and I’m struggling to believe that it can actually work. That doesn’t mean that I won’t go through with it, but I’m worried about the emotional fall-out if it doesn’t happen.