Last night I dreamed that I was taking pregnancy tests over and over again, but something always went wrong. In one dream I got to the bathroom and realized we were all out. In another I wasted an open test stick because I couldn’t pee (this has happened to me in real life). In another I couldn’t get the package open before I finished peeing (don’t know why I didn’t open it first). In another the test was really complicated (something like mixing and drawing up your first HCG shot), and I had to pee really bad while I was trying to figure it out.
In the last dream I got up and successfully peed on the stick only to get yet another Not Pregnant. Except that last one wasn’t a dream. It was the reoccuring nightmare I woke Vanessa up to again this morning.
I’m tired. I’m taking February off. I didn’t think I’d ever want to take a month off, but I’m finally there. We don’t really have the money to do it this month anyway. Our savings are exhausted, and we probably would have ended up carrying a balance on a credit card for a February IUI– something we try not to ever do. Our finances need some time to recuperate. I’ve also been taking extra hormones for 9 months, and I don’t even recognize my own natural emotions anymore.
Also, I want some answers. I’m asking the RE what other testing we can do. The only tests we’ve had done are a day 21 progesterone test and the HSG. We’ve dealt with the luteal phase defect with projegesterone bullets (I won’t miss those this month) and the HSG was clear. We’ve tried 2 months of Clomid. Ovulation doesn’t seem to be a problem, and my lining is good. So what else is wrong with me? Why isn’t this happening for us?