More bad dreams

Last night I dreamed that I was taking pregnancy tests over and over again, but something always went wrong. In one dream I got to the bathroom and realized we were all out. In another I wasted an open test stick because I couldn’t pee (this has happened to me in real life). In another I couldn’t get the package open before I finished peeing (don’t know why I didn’t open it first). In another the test was really complicated (something like mixing and drawing up your first HCG shot), and I had to pee really bad while I was trying to figure it out.

In the last dream I got up and successfully peed on the stick only to get yet another Not Pregnant. Except that last one wasn’t a dream. It was the reoccuring nightmare I woke Vanessa up to again this morning.

I’m tired. I’m taking February off. I didn’t think I’d ever want to take a month off, but I’m finally there. We don’t really have the money to do it this month anyway. Our savings are exhausted, and we probably would have ended up carrying a balance on a credit card for a February IUI– something we try not to ever do. Our finances need some time to recuperate. I’ve also been taking extra hormones for 9 months, and I don’t even recognize my own natural emotions anymore.

Also, I want some answers. I’m asking the RE what other testing we can do. The only tests we’ve had done are a day 21 progesterone test and the HSG. We’ve dealt with the luteal phase defect with projegesterone bullets (I won’t miss those this month) and the HSG was clear. We’ve tried 2 months of Clomid. Ovulation doesn’t seem to be a problem, and my lining is good. So what else is wrong with me? Why isn’t this happening for us?



Filed under Gettin' Knocked Up

3 responses to “More bad dreams

  1. Co

    Oh, I hear you about wanting answers.

    I am sorry that last part wasn’t a dream. I know I didn’t totally take a break like I meant to this month, but breaks of any kind are good.

    Hugs from the Family O. Maggie sends Buffy doggie kisses.

  2. I am so sorry, for the BFN, the financial drain, the lack of answers, and all other frustrations from not being able to begin this new phase of your adult life.

    BFNs suck!

    I hope you get a “real” break during your time off – no extra hassles or unexpected bad news. Just time to rest, rethink, and refocus.

  3. I’m so sorry about the BFN. Hoping you’ll get some answers soon and that the break will give you the time you need to recuperate from the endless frustrations…

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