My jaw hurts because I clench down on my teeth. I figured out that smiling relieves the pressure. It also makes people think I’m happy. I believe it sometimes, too.
I often ask myself, “Where am I right now? Where am I supposed to be right now? How am I supposed to act in this situation?” Once I have determine those things, then I know whether I’m supposed to smile or frown or drink a beer. A lot of times, especially in social situations, I feel like I’m obvserving from afar. It’s only when someone speaks to me that I become aware of my immediate surroundings. Sometimes I’m surprised that I’ve eaten all my meal or that someone is sitting next to me. Once again, I ask myself how I’m supposed to react so I can try to figure out. Should I laugh right now?
The best trick is staying in the future. In the future, all the bills are paid, deadlines are met, and there are no worries. I’m OK in the now just so long as I don’t think about the past. When I let the realities of yesterday creep in, then I get confused. So I try to keep them all separated. Who I was then. Who I am now. Who I want to be tomorrow. I don’t know if it’s a continuum. I like to keep yesterday in a box that only I get to see.
Right now, I’m going to get dressed. I’m going to eat lunch.