The Joys of Urban Living

It’s been a crazy afternoon. After I got home from lunch, I noticed a half-dressed guy hanging out in front of my neighbor’s house. He took off up her driveway and cut through my other neighbor’s yard. I ran after him and yelled, but he either didn’t hear me or ignored me. By the time I caught up with him, he was through the gate and in the alley. I asked him what the hell he was doing. He mumbled something incoherent and stumbled down the alley. I called the police and then followed him in my car. I flagged down the officer and took him to the alley where he could find the guy.

I went back home, and I no sooner got inside the house before I heard an alarm going off. At first I thought it was our smoke alarm in the basement, and I immediately thought, “Oh no, the computers”. I finally figured out it was my neighbor’s house two doors down. She wasn’t home, but there was a dead cat on her front porch. My first thought was carbon monoxide poisoning, so naturally I got a headache. I called the police before I remembered that I had my neighbor’s number. So I rang her at work. Of course the alarm stopped right before the cops showed up. The officer told me he had been in Vietnam and made some joke about squids and jarheads but I have no idea whether it was funny. My neighbor pulled up just as he was leaving. She already knew about the poor dead kitty, so there were no hysterics.

After I went through her house with her to make sure everything was OK, the smoke alarm started blaring again. After dismembering it, she told me the story about the mildly retarded guy who mows her lawn and how he screams “Fuck!” every time he runs over something with the lawnmower.

I came back home and pulled up the news and realized that a large strip mall over on Madison burned down this morning(video). So really the craziness started at 3am, I just got started late.


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